So today I heard in a reading at church that God tests us like gold in a furnace.
That line just kept running over and over in my head.
Once again I have come to accept and admit that just maybe God is still testing me because maybe I am too clueless to get it the first time!
And I know I have stumbled. BIG times. Especially over the last few days. Putting up with pain every day is taking its toll. Most of the time I would prefer to just stay in bed where i can wrap myself in the blankets to try to keep my body warm enough so it doesn’t ache…or at least to just try to get my body warm. At times I get so cold I cant get myself warm and the pain is horrible. My joints and muscles and bones all ache. My joints click and have became weaken so I fall, drop or can not walk. My mind had this constant brain fog and I find it hard to concentrate,remember things or to put things into words. Sound and noises make me confused and even hurts my ears. Being around to many people is overwhelming.
Sunday Jackson is making his first holy communion and we are all so excited for him. We are trying to make it a really special day for him. Than on Tuesday I am having my cornea transplant. We told the children last night a payer time, after I read from the gospel. Little Joe started crying which broke my heart but if i do this now hopefully in the long run the kids will benefit from it! They cant wait till I can taking them driving!
I guess I have to keep trying and fighting. A lot of the time I feel like I’m fighting alone.
I’m just glad at the moment I am able to go to church when I can and get some peace.
Its the only time I can truly relax.
I have to learn to accept the way my life is. The way God has planned my life and His will for it.I have to continue to remind myself that, in the end, it’s for my salvation.