Been kinda quiet lately…well that’s how I have felt within myself.
Not sure which direction I am heading, not sure if I really want to know. For me sometimes its a relief to just leave it in God’s hands.
Just read a quote by C.S Lewis-
“There would be no sense in saying you trusted Jesus if you would not take His advice.”
How true is this? How easily is it for us to say we trust the Lord but than when it comes right down to it we do not trust him enough to follow his teachings. We somehow still think we know better than God himself, even when everything blows up in our faces, we still insist on doing it our way!
So how much trust do we really have in Jesus?
Can you walk away from everything and dedicate your life to serving the church? Can you place your marriage completely in the hands of God? ( being open to life) Can you trust that God will provide everything you need even if it’s not what you want? And can you most of all follow His church and His teachings with an open heart, even though at times we may not understand the why?
I have found when I let fear take over it takes over everything around me. When I lose trust in God it affects my marriage and relationships around me. It affects the choices I make in life and my faith.
After having Lucas I was scared to fall pregnant again. Everyone around me was saying don’t have another one. Everyone around me was scared that I might not make it through the next one. And that fear latched on to me. One thing I have learnt over the weekend is when you cut your self off from life you cut your self off from everything. I had forgotten to trust God, knowing that He knows what is best for me. He knows what is ultimately going to make me happy, what it ultimately going to get me to heaven. And not trusting God with your life has a domino affect. As soon as this new feeling of courage and hope entered my heart I was able to look at things differently again. Once I was over this fear, nothing could scare me. Nothing, Because I had God on my side.
If God wants me to have another baby despite all my health problems than its for reasons, one yet I may not be able to comprehend, which just because we don’t understand something does not mean God is wrong.
If God how ever thinks we have had enough than I am grateful and very blessed because despite all my health problems with the genetic disorder I have I should not have been able to have as many as I have.
And I thank God that I didn’t know about this ten years ago otherwise I might have been to scared of all the risks to be open to life and accepting the children God wishes to bless our marriage with. Or worse I could have had doctors trying to push even more so for me to have an abortion because the pregnancy would be a high risk to my health. Look what I would have missed out on!
I am so happy being a mum, there is nothing more lovely than holding your own children and knowing they are yours.
One thing I have learnt in my life is that suffering is not a bad thing. It brings hope. Yet these days people think suffering is so bad that we ought to get rid of it even if it means ending the life of another human being. How can we have hope with out suffering? How can we learn to have compassion and humble ourselves? How can we learn to be better people with out going through life’s lessons first? You cant have good with out evil and we cant have light with out darkness.
If your life is dark at the moment than let God be your light. Let him bring light into your darkness. Let him be your hope through your suffering.
Because one thing I know for sure, with out my light, with out my hope through my suffering, I would not be where I am now.
I would not be as Blessed as I am now.