Sometimes we think its easier to fool ourselves. Sometimes to convince ourselves that something is not true, is not going to happen is easier than facing reality. Unfortunately though when its time to finally face reality, it can hit harder than it might have if we had just been honest to ourselves from the start.
Thomas , our seven year old, was recently diagnosed with Autism. Even though I suspected and have had a gut feeling for years that something was not quiet right, it was still a major shock.
I actually went in to the assessment expecting them NOT to diagnose him.I was convinced they were going to tell me that it was anxiety or behavioural problems.
So hearing them confirm the diagnoses of Autism was a shock.
For the second time in his life I have felt like I have failed him. As mother it’s my job to protect him and yet some how against my will i have failed. miserably. I have gone through all the “should haves” and “if only” but it hasn’t changed a thing. It hasn’t changed the out come.
And most of all, the one thing I had almost forgot was, it hasn’t changed Thomas.
He is still Thomas.
He is still our Thomas, with all his quirks and outbursts. He is still our beautiful boy who has so much to bring to this world. And if anything I’m going to make sure he does and is able to. I will provide him the platform for him to stand on.I will open each and every door for him to be able to walk through which ever one he chooses to.
I look at him and want to protect him even more. But at the same time he must experience this world to be able to walk through it.
Even if it means experiencing it through the eyes as an Autistic child.
Which in the end does it really matter? because he is alive experiencing life never the less,and he will teach us things as we teach him things.
Trying to look at the world through Thomas’s eyes, is teaching me that the world is not the same for everyone. that a horrible situation can have a funny side to it as well-if we let it. That running around naked isn’t really the end of the world, since that’s the way we arrived into this world. That maybe sometimes a conversation sounds more appealing if the tone sounds like a song. And maybe just maybe we are so busy filling our lives with so much unnecessary noise that we forget how over whelming it can be and that silence even in the year 2013 can still be golden.
Thomas paints our lives in different colours than most kids would use. He keeps us on our toes and constantly entertain us with his wonderful way.
God has given us a huge blessing, Being entrusted with the care of such a special human being is an honour and a blessing.
Every day when I wake up I know that he will somehow make me smile or laugh that day. And with a life that has been thrown so many obstacles its’ nice to have any reason to laugh or smile.
Even when he is so bluntly honest it still makes us smile.
Because this is how God has made him. And everything God has made is made to perfection.
It is perfect.
Thomas is perfect just the way he is.