I have a battle going in my head to day and its about being assertive and setting boundaries and making some goals for myself.
“I need some shelter of my own protection baby To be with myself and center, clarityPeace, Serenity”
What is stressing me is the fact that these things I decide on are not only going to have an affect on me but an affect by all the people around me.
I desperately need to be me-what ever that is, and Im desperate for that space so I can grow in to a decent human being-someone I am meant to be.
Im utterly exhausted as Im not sleeping well. I feel extremely depressed and if I do have a moment of positive emotions it just causes me to crash down even harder than before.
Im scared to face certain people and to be truthfull because making them look at the truth is going to make them mad.
“I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It’s personal, myself and I We’ve got some straightenin’ out to doAnd I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket”
I still cannot cry probably which is very distressing for me because I really need to be able to release these emotions that keep being pushed down further and further.Sharing my story with others is hard because I feel exposed…as if I am walking around naked.
“But I’ve got to get a move on with my life It’s time to be a big girl nowAnd big girls don’t cry”
Im trying to look towards tomorrow, Im trying to see tomorrow…Im trying to be honest with myself which is the first step because otherwise I dont see how I am going to get better.
“The path that I’m walkingI must go aloneI must take the baby steps ’til I’m full grown, full grown”