Its that time of year where you either love it or loath it.
Me, I can’t decide, I go back and forth between the two.
This year has been very challenging for me, I am learning to face a lot of monsters that have been lerking in the shadows for years.For years I have only had glimpse of these monsters since most of them remain tuck deep in to my memories and most of them quiet understandably I have not wanted to face.These monsters
have left scars that are so deep I can honestly admit I will probably be in therapy for years.
So mentally I have been in a horrible tyring tug or war. I am exhausted and drained and everything is such an effort.The little comfort I do find is when I’m holding my children and burying my face into their hair and skin.Having them kiss me all over my face and than having to have a towel to dry it-jokes. But seriously what could be more comforting than a cuddle and a kiss from a babe?
So I have been struggling,struggling like hell to put it bluntly and than last night at the end of my son’s 5th birthday I find my self standing at the door surrounded by friends. Friends who are telling me they would drop everything,friends who are telling me I have a whole group of people around me, supporting me. I looked at them and I could see they meant it. They new some of the ugly details, they new how my doctor panic and had me admitted into hospital .
Where were these friends 15 years ago? When I was bullied and teased and humiliated at school because I wasn’t well. Because I wasn’t like everyone else.Would it make a difference to those people if they knew that I was and still am battling an autoimmune disease? Does it even matter in the long run that I have a condition that cause such unbearable pain in my muscles and joints that if it reaches my face I could go blind?
Standing at the door last night, it didn’t. It didn’t matter at all because these people don’t need to know what is wrong to be there. They don’t wait for me to cry to give me a hug.
And if I could put in words how much I love these people I would, but I cant because it leaves me speechless. I have never had friends like this. And this Christmas I feel Blessed to have them in my life. And I hope they know that.
These monsters I am battling, I will get through it one day. I don’t know when or how but I know it will take a lot of work.
But everywhere I look I see people reaching out to help us…sometimes Its as simple as a cooked meal or the generosity so our children have clothes or shoes, or so Liz can continue with her dancing…or spoiling them like crazy at birthdays and Christmas. The generosity people give us is priceless. And one day we will pay it forward.
So this Christmas I’m thankful for the people who are standing around me and most of all I’m thankful for my gorgeous 6 children, who when they wrap their arms around me and say “I love you mum” nothing else feels more like home.
and May the Peace of Christ be with you all