As much as I would love to say how wonderful this pregnancy has been, the last four weeks have been anything but.
Tomorrow I will be four months pregnant and the last four weeks have been nothing but vomiting and pure exhaustion.
I struggle to remain positive and not let this get me down. It’s really hard not too when more than anything I want to be active doing things!!
It’s boring being sick!
But than I feel the tiniest little bump against my tummy or a flatter like angel wings and I know that this is all worth it.
I am reminded once again the incredible blessing that God has bestowed upon my marriage and my family.
I have also been reminded that those who suffer the most, walk closest to God. We all have our crosses to carry but it’s up to us how we chose to carry these crosses and why.
And like some,we can refuse to carry them at all.
But imagine if Jesus Christ did this? Our suffering on earth would turn to an eternity in our after life.
But knowing I have Jesus walking beside me everyday ( or in my case it would be sitting next to me each day!), makes it all that bit easier.
It brings hope.
As a Catholic having my eyes focused upwards towards Heaven and not on the here and now, reminds me there is a purpose for my suffering, for my ill health.
Even though at times I may not understand what that purpose is or what it shall serve , I know I’m not suffering in vain!
I learnt a long time ago that life can not be just one big party. It cannot be about satisfying me or I. Life needs to be more than that to be fulfilling, to have a purpose.
As a mother , I am forever sacrificing myself for the other eg my husband and children.
Infact I’m doing that right now while being pregnant.
Imagine if I decided I wasn’t going to do that anymore?
That my love for them wasn’t going to be unconditional but with conditions?
A lot of people think I shouldnt be having children,because of my health. They think I’m crazy for not being on the pill. But for my husband and I, if we weren’t open to life than we would be loving each other,but with conditions. Being open to life is how my husband and I, are,being unconditional in our love and our marriage.
I see around me, in general, how much people suffer because everyone is searching for that unconditional love and at times struggle to find it, but not only just in our marriages but with family and friends as well.
On Facebook you constantly read quotas that go along the lines of ” get rid of all the negative people in your life” or ” only surround yourself with happy positive people” what a load of BS!
Life is real, life is harsh. Some people truly struggle in their life and there for struggle to find happiness at times and even peace. Some people have so much going on all the time- they can’t help what life throws their way. So to turn your back on these people because their not happy enough or positive enough… Is nothing but something utterly selfish and calls for a reality check at looking at oneself and asking if one is able to love another unconditionally?
I know at times I can’t.
I struggle enormously with people who constantly put me down one way or another. This is the time I use to look at myself and question, am I any better than them?
I believe there are lessons to be learnt from every person we meet or have in our lives.
I believe every person that walks into my life is nothing short of a blessing.
And those that walk away- a lesson that has been learnt!
So I ask that you keep me in your prayers as I for you.
Have a good evening and peace!