Sometimes as a Catholic it truly does feel that you are up against the whole world.
While the world stomps louder and waves their fists stronger than ever, we as Catholics, in retrospect, seem to more quietly ( in comparison ) go about our lives trusting it all in our faith and love for our God, accepting the crosses we are too bare.
But sometimes I think we are too quiet. We sure as hell ain’t loud enough.
Or maybe I, myself, am not loud enough. Maybe it’s me.
Maybe I don’t have the faith I like to believe myself to have.
Or maybe I am living in a world where most people are selfish and would prefer to celebrate a culture of death instead of a culture of life.
You know I love celebrating birthdays? My birthday, my children’s birthdays..everyone’s birthdays, because when we celebrate a birthday we are celebrating that this person was born and is here with us. We are celebrating life.
I would like to think that every life is celebrated, especially at a birthday or when a new pregnancy is announced.
but it doesn’t happen.
Imagine being a mum to a new baby in the hospital. It’s a miracle that your baby was born alive and that you made it through the pregnancy. Imagine walking past all the other hospital rooms full of visitors and flowers and the whole week you were there you had one visitor. That when the birth of your precious son was announced you received two texts messages out of the many people you knew who would have received the news.
Imagine feeling like there must be something wrong with your baby to have most people not make any effort.
Is it any wonder I have since struggled so much to come to terms and acceptance of other people’s actions? The problem is though I ‘m not talking about the actions of just one person, which then I could sweep under the rug and shrugged it off as being their problem. No. I am talking about people. More than one person. I suppose you could say then that maybe I am the one with the problem. To which I would respond with “Yeah. I do have a problem when I litterally have put my life on the line, given birth to a baby who miracously was born alive and most people couldnt make the effort to congratulate us or visit us. Yes, I have a problem that his life isn’t valued by others as much as it should be.”
How can this world become a better place ( as Micheal Jackson sang ) if we can not even value life as much as the first? For some reason, society seems to place less value on subsequent babies. Its almost as if its the same movie we have watched over and over again and by the 8th viewing everyone is over it and bored.
But each individual child of mine has been born once. Each birth was of a new individual human being. A brand new baby of ours. A new member of our family.
If the attitude is “Oh they have had another baby, no big deal” what does that say about our attitudes in general? About society? The communities we live in? What does it say about the individual who feels no joy or thinks nothing special about a mother giving birth to her 8th child?
For people to not share the same joy we felt for the birth of our son, for me was heartbreaking. Having to also deal with serious health problems just prior and after the birth, it was honestly too much and I have been struggling since.
Today I received some results back from the doctors. I felt close to tears out of pure frustration and hopelessness.
It is one more thing I did not need. I stood in front of the mirror today and just stared at my reflection. I wanted to climb into that mirror and have the opposite of everything. So all the negative would turn positive. My health problems would go away. My anxiety would disappear.
But then I realized to climb into the mirror and have the opposite in my life it would also mean I then wouldn’t have my children or my husband….since the reverse to both would be unmarried and no children. In fact, I realized that all the things in my life that I love would be no more. I have to take the good with the bad. In the darkest nights, the light shines the brightest.
I need to stand firm in my beliefs and not be afraid to voice them. I have to start stamping my feet louder and waving my fists around when it comes to what is right and what is wrong in this world.
I wasn’t put on this earth to be silent. God gave me a talent so I could use not just my voice but to be able to write about and share my faith and God’s word.
From now on I am celebrating life loud and clear!