Everything is an effort.
Just writing this sentence is an effort.
My days are full of moments, that seemly feel impossible to get through.
I cannot emphasize enough just how much.
Or how devastated I am by this.
I am not half the person I wish to be. That was taken away from me in a matter of minutes.
My parents, like all parents that day, were taking the advice from the doctors. From the government.As well as trusting the school who organized it. They all have our best interests at heart.
We trusted them. They made us believe that nothing could be worse or more dangerous as to be at risk of catching these infectious diseases.
They are the experts. The ones with the medical degrees.
We believed them.
But they were wrong.
And tried to call us liars.
Told my mother to send me to a psychologist.
Said I was lazy.
But it only took 20 minutes.
20 minutes and everything in my life was thrown off its axis.
All my dreams were thrown away.
I remember the day well. All the students were in the hall lining up for their turn.
By the time I had my injection and returned to class, I wasn’t feeling well. In fact, I remember complaining to the teacher that my throat was sore and I felt unwell.
Everything just went downhill from there.
The flu symptoms that started so soon after the injection, progressively became worse until I couldn’t get out of bed and was bed bound for a period of time.
Nothing has ever been the same since.
This may sound dramatic. But my life changed dramatically in a matter of minutes and I had no control over it.
I’m not going to go through the last 25 years of my life.
But I will say this.
Give me the measles, mumps, and rubella anytime.
I would rather have been sick for a couple of weeks with the very slim chances of it being more than that, than be chronically sick and in chronic pain, for the rest of my life.
( This is not to dismiss people who have suffered or died due to these diseases as this also has happened to people from the MMR vaccine. I just mean I would rather go through childhood diseases and gain lifetime immunity, to the measles for example. We all need to weigh up the risks and benefits in regards to our own health. If I had known there was any chance that this could have happened to me.. I can’t but help feel I might have made a different choice for myself-If the choice was mine. )
I would rather have lifelong NATURAL immunity ( and pass that onto my babies while pregnant and breastfeeding ) which lowers my risk to develop autoimmune diseases and certain cancers than now, where I cannot have the vaccine and catching the diseases as an adult is a risk in itself.
“According to the CDC from 2004-2014, zero people died in the US from contracting the measles. During the same time, 108 people died from the MMR vaccines according to the adverse events reporting system.
Conducted by the OTTAWA hospital, the research found that 168 babies had emergency room visits from 4 to 12 days after their MMR vaccinations and several died during the study.”
Lately, this issue has been going over and over in my mind.
Because in the last 6 years or so my health has been declining, more so dramatically in the last 3 years.
We also found out about 5-6 years ago that I have an MTHFR gene mutation from both my parents.
We suspect that the mutation could have been one contributing factor as to why my body reacted to the vaccine.
My body is constantly fighting and attacking an infection or virus that is not there. It is constantly in fight mode and explains why I experience such severe levels of fatigue and exhaustion.
I am currently on strong pain relief and it doesn’t help with the pain all the time. I am in horrendous pain, which causes me to black out. I have sharp pain in my hip joints and joints in my pelvis. My back muscles have painful spasms that nearly knock me off my feet. I physically can not do much and if I do, my heart works extremely hard bringing on a whole lot of other symptoms.
Cognitively I am struggling more and more. I am forgetful. I struggle to recognize people that I know. I struggle to concentrate and to comprehend information. Sometimes all I can hear is a buzzing noise and cannot actually make out the words people are saying to me.
My vision is affected where I will be looking directly at something I am looking for and my brain hasn’t register what I am looking at. So I don’t “see” it.
I bruise easily, for no reason at all.
I have stomach problems.
Headaches and migraines.
My body doesn’t regulate its temperature, so I’m either extremely overheated or freezing cold.
I shake and tremble.
I drop things.
I struggle to grip a pen.
I pass out easily.
I get severe pain in my joints, muscles, bones, nerves, tissue..in every single part of my body..from head to toe, quite literally.
I get joint pain in my face, in my rib cage, my arms, my hands and fingers, my knees, ankles, and toes..in my pelvis, my scalp hurts and is tender to touch..everywhere hurts and sometimes all it takes is for the touch of my clothes, someone hugging me or the kids to poke me for my pain to flare up.
Sounds and lights cause me physical pain.
I can not stand still in one spot or go for even a short walk.
On my worst days, I can not move or open my eyes. Its a massive effort to breath and takes all or any remaining strength just to do this.
I have regular flare-ups where I will come down with allergy and flu-like symptoms and be in bed for a few days.
My glands in my neck and under my arms will become painfully swollen and this is usually the first sign I am about to crash again.
Most days now, I am housebound, because I am just too sick to go out and any energy I do have I need to conserve it for when I really need to go out for an appointment.
I am missing out on so much life. I feel like I have spent the last 25 years watching it go by. Watching everyone else live their life, while I am quite literally left behind.
I am easily forgotten by people.
It is easy to forget someone who isn’t around.
The isolation is unbearable at times.
Sometimes all I have is my own thoughts.
This is not easy for me to rehash over or even share, as I am aware of the backlash I may receive or the accusations.
But May is fast approaching.
May is the awareness month For Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis and Fibromyalgia.
I want to bring awareness to these illnesses. But I also want to bring awareness to HOW I became so sick.
I want to tell the whole story.
The whole truth.
And if you are willing to be patient and listen.
I will take you on my journey.
And I will share it with you.
“Face to face some people will show compassion or empathy.. others will simply say “oh”.
But over recent years I have slowly become more confident in sharing my truth.
Because why would I lie about it? What would be the point? I have never claimed to be pro or anti, I have always just merely stated what happened to ME!” – Ally J Brown
- Please note; This is my testimony and my experience. Not everyone will have the same experience as I. But I want to share my story. I want to speak up. Especially for those who feel that, for some reason, they cannot.