I can feel the tension in the air. Like electricity, running through my veins, my awareness peaks. I am more then aware of my environment and what is around me. I feel it. Hear it. Taste it. My senses are on high alert and it takes all my self control not to go into a full blown panic attack. Thus… Read more →
Trauma. No one likes the word. Many people try to ignore it. Yet at the same time it grabs our attention. For over 30 years, I had kept everything buried deep, unconsciously, with out even realising it. Every so often it would raise its ugly head, just enough so it would grab my attention, through a nightmare or an… Read more →
Last year, was a year, of soul crashing moments that left me shaken to the very core. It start the previous December , at the end of the school year 2018. My then eight year old , autistic, son, snapped. He completely fell apart. He became violent and suicidal, I was literally holding him down, to stop him from harming… Read more →
Some days I am not very brave. I can admit that. Some days there is nothing more I want to do than to admit defeat and give up. But I can’t. There is always something pushing me to keep going. To get back up again. Don’t give up. Because you have got THIS. Straighten your crown girl!… Read more →
Everything is an effort. Just writing this sentence is an effort. My days are full of moments, that seemly feel impossible to get through. I cannot emphasize enough just how much. Or how devastated I am by this. I am not half the person I wish to be. That was taken away from me… Read more →
A visit from a saint. I was feeling pretty low and rotten. Completely exhausted from looking after a newborn who didn’t want to sleep and a toddler who decided she would throw tantrums every time I picked up the baby. I lay down on my bed and completely crushed. Before falling asleep I said a prayer to St Therese asking her to… Read more →
A while back someone made a comment after I told them, that I was expecting number eight at the time. The comment was ” You really are raising disciples, one baby at a time.” I absolutely loved what he said because I never looked at it from that angle. I just saw myself having the children God blessed me with and it… Read more →
Postnatal depression hovers over me through the days and nights. During the day it’s a black cloud that is forever in front of the sun. At night it’s the dark shadows that wait for me around every corner and every thought. There is rarely any moments of relief. I feel like I have fallen into this giant pit and I… Read more →
Five summers ago I was spending the last day of the year, in the sunshine, while watching the kids in the pool and drinking my favorite wine. The night before I had watched the movie, The Blue Lagoon. While, yes, there was a lot of sun-kissed flesh and golden curls, if you could tear your eyes away from the obviousness… Read more →
If life wasn’t enough of a challenge and if my days weren’t already full of struggles, it is now. It is so hard to come right out and say it because to do so almost feels like admitting defeat. Admitting failure as a mum. a wife and everything else in between. I have Post Natal Depression and Anxiety. There. I… Read more →
